Caring for an ill spouse is always a difficult process, but it’s especially trying for seniors. In addition to coping with their own aging process and potential health issues, seniors who are caring for ill spouses must also contend with the emotional and mental strain of watching their loved one become ill and die. This can be exhausting and can easily have an adverse impact on the health of the surviving spouse. Fortunately, there are many ways to make caring for an ill spouse just a big easier for seniors to manage.

1. Ask For Help 

One of the most important things seniors caring for their ill spouses need to remember is that it is okay to ask for help. Often, spouses feel the need to provide for their sick husband or wife’s care all on their own. While this is a valid feeling, the execution of it often leads to seniors who feel overwhelmed, get injured, or become ill themselves. Fortunately, you can avoid this by asking for help. Asking for help is a pivotal part of providing quality care for your aging spouse. With this in mind, consider asking an adult child or a neighbor to assist you with tasks that are physically challenging for you (lifting heavy objects, for example) or hiring a housecleaning service to lighten your load. In addition to allowing you to focus more fully on your spouse’s care, these steps can also go a long way toward helping ensure you don’t feel overwhelmed or chronically stressed.

2. Know Your Limits

It’s difficult to provide quality care if you’re injured, ill, or disabled. Because of this, it’s important to know your limits well enough that you won’t push yourself past them in an effort to care for your spouse. This means not doing jobs that are too difficult for you to manage and not sacrificing your health to look after your spouse. While it can be difficult to know your limits and set boundaries surrounding them, it’s an important aspect of providing quality care for an aging spouse.

3. Find A Home Care Agency 

For a senior that’s been attempting to provide a spouse’s care all on his or her own, finding a quality home care company can be a lifesaver. Contrary to what many people believe, hiring a caregiver doesn’t mean you have to relinquish responsibility for your spouse’s care entirely. It simply means that you can share the burden of round-the-clock care with someone else. In-home caregivers can assist you with daily activities like helping your spouse bathe or get dressed while also helping to manage things like medication schedules, doctor appointments, and chores like house cleaning and cooking. While many seniors are reticent to hire an in-home care aide, doing so can be a huge help.

While it’s difficult to care for an aging spouse at any point in life, it’s especially difficult when the healthy spouse is older than 60 and not as physically able as they once were. Because of this, hiring in-home care assistance can be a great way to safeguard your health while also providing your spouse with the care he or she needs.

4. Make A Choice About Your Attitude 

While caring for an aging spouse is a difficult process, it’s also a continuation of the vows you took when you married. By remembering this and seeing your care as an act of tenderness toward your spouse rather than a burden you must cope with alone, you can make a conscious choice to be happy and to care for yourself well throughout the entire process. There are many trying aspects of caring for an aging spouse, and making a choice to maintain a positive attitude and be happy throughout can impact the care you’re able to give and help enhance your satisfaction and mood. If you need help looking on the sunny side of things, consider joining an online support group or seeing a therapist.

5. Don’t Forget To Care For Yourself 

Caring for an ill spouse can be all-consuming and many seniors get so wrapped up in the tasks at hand that they forget to eat, drink, and exercise as they normally would. While this is a normal response to the extraordinary burden of caring for an aging partner, it’s also a dangerous place to put yourself. If you’re not healthy, you can’t provide quality care, which does nothing for your spouse. Keep yourself in good health by eating well, sleeping enough, drinking enough water, and getting some exercise in on a daily basis. While it may seem like a small step, these things can have a huge impact on your ability to provide quality care. One of the best things you can do while caring for your spouse is to set aside some time – even if it’s only ten minutes – each day for “you time.” This can help safeguard your mental health and ensure that you’re getting the respites you need to stay healthy and happy.

6. Safeguard Your Mental Health 

Spouses caring for their ill husbands or wives are at a high risk for depression and anxiety. Because of this, it’s important that you safeguard your own mental health while caring for your loved one. Consider seeing a counselor or therapist or simply making time each week to meet with a trusted group of friends or confidants. Having space to vent your frustrations, sadness, or difficulty is incredibly healthy and can help ensure that you don’t go crazy while attempting to care for your spouse.

7. Know Your Options

While spouses caring for sick husbands or wives often feel alone, there are dozens of community and local organizations that can often offer a helping hand. Depending upon your unique situation, things like Meals on Wheels or an adult daycare program may be appropriate. You may also have access to free assistance from a church or community group. If you’re struggling to care for your spouse on your own, don’t be afraid to explore the options available to you in your local area. This can help relieve some of the burden you feel surrounding your spouse’s care and may make the entire thing more bearable for you.

Conclusion

While caring for an aging spouse is a difficult experience, there are many things seniors can do to make the process easier, less stressful, and more manageable on a daily basis. From enlisting the help of friends and family members to hiring an in-home caregiver, seniors aren’t as alone as they may think. Additionally, seniors can safeguard their physical and mental health by ensuring that they’re sleeping enough, eating well, drinking enough water, and exercising daily. Some seniors may also benefit from seeing a therapist or counselor to cope with feelings of grief, anxiety, or depression. These measures can go a long way toward ensuring the health, safety, and well-being of the spouse providing the caregiving in order to make sure that the ill spouse gets all of the care he or she so badly needs.

If you believed everything that society told us about senior living, you’d think that senior living is a place the elderly go when they have no more options and can no longer care for themselves. How dismal! Fortunately, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Many of the often-perpetuated myths about senior living are false. By debunking these myths, seniors can understand more fully what senior living means and how it can benefit them.

What is Senior Living?

Senior living facilities are places where seniors can live with as much or as little assistance a they want or need. While senior living facilities do indeed provide a whole host of essential care services, they also provide fun, companionship, stimulation, and exposure for active seniors from all walks of life. Options included in most senior living facilities include independent living, assisted living, nursing care, rehabilitation, and more!

The Ten Biggest Fears About Senior Living

While many seniors appreciate the benefits offered to them by senior living, not everyone fully understands these facilities or what they offer. If you or your loved one has concerns about moving into a senior living facility, read on for our answers to the top ten concerns about senior living:

1. Senior living means I’ll lose my independence

Many people believe that moving into a senior living facility is akin to giving their freedom away on a silver platter. Fortunately, this isn’t true. There are many different options available to seniors who chose to move into a senior living facility. People who choose the assisted living option, for example, will get help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, or whatever else they may need.

Seniors who choose independent living will enjoy their own apartment with no help, unless they need it down the road. The entire goal of senior living is to support seniors at all life stages. Because of this, the assistance offered ranges from light cleaning to intensive rehabilitation care. Older people in senior living will never receive help they don’t need and won’t have to worry about being infantilized or coddled.

2. Senior living is lonely

One of the biggest myths surrounding senior living is that it is an isolating experience. People worry that moving to a senior living facility means that they’ll sacrifice all of their relationships and lose interaction with their friends and family. While this is an understandable fear, it’s not altogether rooted in reality. Senior living facilities support interaction with friends and family and provide a whole host of opportunities for new relationships to form.

Seniors living in senior living facilities will enjoy community events, classes, social hours, and educational opportunities that allow them to meet other seniors while also enjoying a comfortable living space where they can entertain their pre-existing friends and family. While seniors worry about isolation in senior living, many people find that their social lives become more active when they move into a senior living facility.

3. Senior living is unaffordable

It’s true that senior living can be a large financial burden. It’s also true that there are dozens of financial options to help seniors afford senior living. From Social Security to VA benefits, there are scores of ways to make the cost of senior living more manageable. Additionally, seniors can choose from a variety of senior living programs – some elaborate and some more simple – to fit their budgets and their lifestyles. While senior living is often regarded as the most expensive care option, it’s important to consider that, in many cases, it’s less expensive than staying at home and hiring full-time in-home care.

4. Senior living will make me age prematurely

While many people worry that moving to a senior living community makes them “old,” the opposite is often true. Between the activities available at a senior living community to the customized care intrinsic in the structure of these facilities, it’s completely possible to look and feel younger than ever while also enjoying the enhanced ease, social activity, and free time a senior living community offers. Senior living facilities aren’t a trap for the aging – they’re a way to increase a senior’s quality of life across the board.

5. I can’t trust the senior living staff

Many seniors considering senior living worry about the competence and trustworthiness of the staff. They may also worry that their children will just drop them off in this strange place and that their care will be totally unmonitored from then on out. Fortunately, this isn’t true. The fact of the matter is that senior living facilities are meant to make seniors comfortable. If you’re not comfortable with your caregivers, something is wrong.

Good senior living facilities are run by professional senior care personnel that care deeply about the health and well-being of the residents and legitimate senior communities pride themselves on improving the happiness and quality of life for their residents. Seniors who are concerned about the staff at a new facility should make this clear to their family members, and close contact should be maintained during the first few weeks of care.

6. I won’t have control over my own life

Many seniors confuse the schedule of a senior living community with that of basic training or boot camp! While it’s true that there are plenty of activities to take part in, it’s important to remember that they’re all voluntary. Nobody is going to force a senior at a senior living facility to take part in arts and crafts if they don’t want to and many seniors live in senior living communities while maintaining the patterns and habits of their regular lives.

As a senior ages, it’s possible that their need for care will increase. In this case, a senior living facility may be the best choice for both the senior and his or her family. It’s important to remember, however, that senior living facilities respect the autonomy of their clients and aren’t on a mission to force people into abandoning their daily routines and habits.

7. I’ll be bored

While many seniors worry about being bored in a senior living facility, they need only to talk to the people who already live there to understand this isn’t a genuine threat. Senior living facilities take the happiness of their residents seriously, which is why they offer such a wealth of activities. It’s not uncommon for a senior living facility to provide field trips, hair salons, language classes, social hours, games, cooking classes, or therapy animal sessions. More likely than note, a senior living facility exposes seniors to more activities then they’d have access to in their own homes!

8. Family won’t visit in a senior living facility

While many seniors worry that their friends and family will forget about them in a senior living facility, the opposite is often true. The fact is that older people in assisted living communities often have more time on their hands and enjoy more time with their friends and family than they did before. Plus, many senior living facilities do special family days that encourage a senior’s children, siblings, or other family to visit and participate in fun activities.

9. Senior living means I’ll have to give up my taste

Many seniors worry that living in a senior living facility means they’ll have to renounce their ability to decorate or manage their own homes. While additional assistance is available to those who need it, the purpose of a senior living facility is not to rob a senior of his or her personality or style. Seniors are encouraged to decorate their living spaces they way they’d like to and are encouraged to continue participating in the things they love.

10. I’ll have a hard time integrating into senior living

Many seniors worry that they won’t make friends or fit in in a senior living community. While adjusting to a new way of life can be difficult, many seniors find that they enjoy a senior living community and become more comfortable with the new pattern over time. While it’s unfair to say the transition will be seamless, most seniors find actually enjoy living in a senior living facility.

While seniors may feel many fears surrounding the concept of senior living, many seniors truly enjoy their transition to a senior community. From providing assistance with daily chores to helping seniors meet new friends and be more active, there are many benefits to senior living facilities and many seniors find that these communities improve their happiness and quality of life.

We’ve all heard the stereotype and seen the videos, movies, and images that reinforce it: a grumpy old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn or a mean old lady living alone in a huge, creepy house on the hill. While these images are undoubtedly part of our cultural fabric, they’re also an unfortunate series of myths that is perpetuated on a regular basis. If we’re being honest, most of us have believed the “Grumpy Old People” stereotype at one point or another and many of us may still believe it today.

As it turns out, however, this stereotype is unfair and untrue. In recent years, research has come to light that suggests that, despite what our cultural norms may tell us, aging individuals often become happier and more open as they age rather than becoming angry and closed-off.

Here’s what you need to know.

Where the “Grumpy Old Person” Stereotype Falls Short

According to a recent study conducted by researchers at Northwestern University, it’s not at all uncommon for seniors to become more trusting, more open, more positive, and generally happier as they age. The researchers behind the study concluded that these findings were the result of the fact that seniors are more willing to trust other people than their younger counterparts were. This, in turn, led to increased happiness levels over time. How’s that for doing away with the “You darn kids get off of my lawn!” image?

In addition to making seniors happier, this increase in trust also had marked biochemical effects. Namely, seniors who were more willing to trust the people around them experienced elevated levels of oxytocin – the hormone associated with intimacy and attachment. Multiple studies have linked oxytocin with a decrease in dangerous conditions, like chronic pain, and have associated it with faster wound healing, lower stress levels, and even recovery from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Many people who hear that seniors are more willing to trust other people immediately worry about seniors becoming so trusting that they place themselves at risk of elder abuse. Fortunately, studies have found that this is not overwhelmingly the case. In fact, researchers have found that trust and well-being are actually associated in a positive and mutually beneficial fashion and that trust is not ultimately a liability for aging seniors.

With this in mind, it’s clear that the “Grumpy Old People” stereotype is not a fair one and that, more often than not, people become more trusting, loving, and affectionate with age. In fact, seniors are often more agreeable in terms of “The Big Five” personality traits than their younger counterparts.

Understanding The Big Five

Most modern psychological studies are based on five personality traits, known as “The Big Five.” These traits are as follows:

• Extroversion: Extroversion refers to a person’s level of social willingness, excitability, and expressiveness.
• Openness: Openness measures openness to new experiences, new friendships, new imaginative pursuits, and the likes.
• Agreeableness: A person who has a high level of agreeableness is highly altruistic, trusting, and kind.
• Conscientiousness: Conscientiousness is a term that is used to refer to a person’s overall organization capabilities, willingness to set goals, and ability to be thoughtful.
• Neuroticism: Neuroticism refers to measurements like moodiness and instability in emotional well being, including anxiety and depression.

While the Big Five are used to evaluate psychological study participants of all ages, a National Institutes of Health study conducted in 2009 recently revealed that, while 75% of seniors (ages 60 and older) experience changes in The Big Five personality traits, the vast majority of these changes were for the better. These findings back up the Northwestern study by proving that seniors generally become more agreeable as they age.

Another National Institutes of Health study took the evaluation of the Big Five one step further by looking at personality traits across all age groups on a global level. This study revealed that all cultures believe, to some extent, that young people are impatient and older people are inflexible and grumpy. The study also found that each culture evaluated was guilty of severely overstating these differences.

The takeaway? While our personalities do change as we age, there’s no scientific evidence to prove that we are guaranteed to become angry or closed-off with age. This proves that the “Grumpy Old People” myth is both undeserved and unfair. While cognitive impairment and dementia can certainly change a person’s personality for the worse, most seniors experience positive rather than negative changes in personality as they age.

Where the “Grumpy Old People” Stereotype Comes From

Studies that evaluate seniors on the basis of the Big Five do consistently find one negative effect of aging: the levels of “openness” seniors display generally declines as people get older. This is likely due to a variety of factors, including decreased mobility, embarrassment about memory loss, isolation, and even illness. Because decreases in openness are fairly common, it’s likely that this is one of the things that contributes to the stereotype that seniors are unwilling to try new things or are “set in their ways.”

Unfortunately, this stereotype is unfair. While many seniors are hesitant to try new things, it isn’t because they’re grumpy or mean – it’s often simply because they are experiencing some difficulty adjusting to a new life phase. While openness may decline with age, there are many things family and loved ones can do to help seniors become more open to new experiences once more. These include the following:

• Locate a class the senior will enjoy. If a senior loved painting years ago and hasn’t done it in decades, accompanying him or her to a painting class is a great way to help the senior open up to new experiences. Often, the most difficult part of trying new things for seniors is getting over the initial hump, after which point the senior may be more than happy to go alone!
• Providing plenty of interaction. One of the primary causes of decreased openness in seniors is isolation. As seniors become more isolated, their confidence and cognitive function begins to decline, which can make building new habits much more difficult. Ensuring daily interaction with a senior is one of the best ways to prevent this from happening.
• Get moving. Exercise is good for everything – including a senior’s openness levels. To help the senior make new habits and meet new friends, consider helping him or her find an exercise class, such as yoga or water aerobics, that will be enjoyable.
• Take it slow. Imagine how you would feel if someone forced you into taking a new class or hanging out with a new group of people. It would be uncomfortable, wouldn’t it? Because of this, it’s important to avoid forcing a senior into anything. Instead, take the entire process slow and be sure to respect the senior’s wishes and input as you move along.

While some seniors do certainly experience a decrease in openness with aging, the deaths of spouses, or illness, these steps can help family and loved ones encourage seniors to step out of their shells and experience life once more.

Bucking the Stereotype: How Preconceived Notions Hurt People of All Ages

Caregivers know that it’s fundamentally unfair to label an entire group of people blindly. While some seniors may be less open than others, it’s a far cry to say that all seniors are grumpy, closed-off, angry, and spiteful. It’s also blatantly untrue. Multiple studies have shown that aging individuals tend to become gentler, kinder, and more trusting with age. In light of this, it’s time to kick the “Grumpy Old Person” stereotype to the curb.

When we label an entire group of people according to untrue preconceived notions, we sell all the individuals within that group short. The truth is, there are plenty of seniors who see their golden years as the perfect time to give back to the communities they love, be it through volunteer work or community service. These seniors are often bright, happy, outgoing individuals who are, unfortunately, overshadowed by undeserved stereotypes.

In light of this, it’s clear that taking each senior on a case-by-case basis is the way to go. Additionally, by understanding that the seniors who do seem “Grumpy” are often suffering from difficult disorders such as dementia or depression, we can expand our compassion and begin to understand aging on a whole new level.

Nobody wants to be alone. Unfortunately for many seniors, however, being alone is a reality of life. From people whose spouses have died to those with no family in the immediate area and few friends, isolation is a real issue, and it is one that can have disastrous consequences. Here’s what you need to know about the mental and emotional impacts of prolonged isolation on seniors:

What is Senior Isolation?

Senior isolation isn’t as simple as loneliness. While everyone feels lonely from time to time, seniors often experience a much longer-term and much more chronic version of this unpleasant emotion. This is because seniors often have spouses who are chronically ill or have died and, sometimes, they have little or no family in the area to help ease the emotional burden of those things.

Additionally, seniors generally have decreased mobility and are typically no longer working –both of which contribute to an isolated, sedentary lifestyle that can become a breeding ground for depressive symptoms.

On the same token, however, it’s important to remember that not all seniors who have given up many of their social pursuits are suffering from isolation. There is a definitive difference between people who are happy being alone and seniors who are experiencing legitimate senior isolation.

Isolation by the Numbers

According to the U.S. Census, upwards of 11 million people ages 65 or older were living alone in 2010 and those numbers have only ballooned in the years since then. Often, these seniors do not have family and friends nearby to provide care and company and their spouses have passed away. While living alone doesn’t automatically mean that a person will become isolated, it does present a huge risk for the senior in question.

Here are some recent isolation facts that may shock you:

• Isolation increases a senior’s risk of dying from all causes. According to a study conducted in 2012, adults ages 52 and older had a higher risk of mortality when they lived alone. This is due, in large part, to a decreased social network to provide aide and fewer people to notice a decline in the senior’s condition.
• Loneliness is dangerous for mental and emotional health. As a general rule, seniors who live alone suffer from more physical and emotional conditions than those who live with families or spouses.
• Loneliness is a risk factor for dementia. Seniors who live alone have higher rates of cognitive decline and dementia than those who live with other people. This is due to the fact that seniors who live alone receive less cognitive stimulation and social interaction than their accompanied peers.
• Seniors who live alone are at risk for elder abuse. Isolated seniors experience elder abuse at higher rates than their peers. This is due to the fact that there are fewer people around to notice the signs of elder abuse or to put a stop to the poor treatment.
• Isolation rates are higher for LGBT seniors. LGBT (Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) seniors are much more likely to suffer from isolation than their heterosexual peers. This is because these people are less likely to have children and may be estranged from their families-of-origin.
• Isolation can lead to chronic illness. Seniors who live alone suffer from things like depression, chronic lung disorders, and mobility issues at much higher rates than their peers.
• Isolated seniors believe life will only get worse. Pessimism is rampant in seniors who live alone. According to one study conducted by the National Council on Aging, seniors who lived alone were much more likely than their peers to express concern that their quality of life would only decline within the next five years. This negative outlook has a poor impact on the quality of mental and emotional health across the board.

When Living Alone Gets Dangerous

AARP reports that upwards of 90% of seniors feel strongly about living in their own homes for as long as possible. While this is an understandable desire for seniors around the country, upwards of 5 million seniors in the country right now need daily assistance with day-to-day activities, such as cooking, bathing, eating, taking medications and getting dressed. While some seniors are lucky enough to have a friend or family caregiver or a third-party in-home care aide to provide them with these services, many are not and these are the seniors who are particularly at risk.

While there are many seniors who can still live alone safely, the following risk factors mean that it is no longer wise for a senior to remain uncared for:

• Difficulty with medication management. If a senior can’t remember to take medication or routinely forgets that he or she has taken medication and takes more, that person is at severe risk of overdose and unintended consequences and side effects.
• Forgetfulness. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, roughly 25% of seniors suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia live alone. This places the senior at huge risk as memory loss of any type enhances the likelihood of missed appointments and preventable accidents, like fires caused by stoves left on.
• Difficulty completing the activities of daily life. If a person can no longer cook, clean, bathe, or eat without assistance, it’s no longer suitable for that person to live alone.
• Poor nutrition. People suffering from memory loss often forget to eat. Alternately, they may forget that they have eaten and consume far too much food on a daily basis. These things place seniors at risk for malnutrition or weight gain and should be monitored closely by a third party.
• Difficulty with finances. If a senior is having difficulty managing money to the extent that utilities are being shut off or the senior is at risk of being taken advantage of financially, it’s time for that person to live with assistance.

Reducing The Impacts of Senior Isolation

For people with a family member that may be experiencing senior isolation, there are many things that can be done to reduce the impacts. Follow these steps to get started:

1. Understand the issue

The first step to decreasing senior isolation is to understand it. Is the person physically isolated from others because he or she lives in a remote area or is the person virtually surrounded by opportunities for social gain but simply unwilling to engage in any of them?

By understanding the root cause of the isolation, you can provide better solutions. For example, if a person is physically isolated due to their living situation, it may be wise for them to move to a more populated area or to move in with family members. If a person simply doesn’t want to participate, the key may be finding an activity he or she loves.

2. Consider alternative solutions

One thing that is often incredibly helpful for seniors who are still able-bodied and lucid is a support pet. Pet therapy has been shown to reduce blood pressure and lower anxiety rates and, if it’s an option, the families and friends of isolated seniors may consider the involvement of a well-trained therapy animal.

3. Provide mobility

One of the leading causes of senior isolation is a lack of mobility. Many seniors don’t drive and family and friends are often too busy to act as a chauffeur service. Fortunately, there are dozens of free or low-cost senior transport services available to help seniors regain mobility. These things can go a long way toward decreasing the dangers of senior isolation.

4. Look for volunteer opportunities

Volunteering is a fantastic way for seniors to combat the effects of isolation. By getting involved in a cause that is important to him or her, a senior can meet new people, regain social connections, and become active in a community once more.

5. Enlist technology

Even if it’s impossible for family and friends to be near a senior at all times, technology can help reduce isolation. Studies have shown that seniors who have regular phone or Skype contact with friends and family are generally healthier and happier than their peers. In light of this, don’t be afraid to dial up grandma or grandpa for a daily phone call. In addition to being fun for both of you, it can actually help improve a senior’s health.

Conclusion

While senior isolation is a dangerous problem that affects millions of people, these five simple tips can help concerned caregivers, friends, and family reduce the symptoms and lessen the effects of loneliness. Additionally, caregivers and family members who know about the causes of senior isolation are better-equipped to respond appropriately.