Feeling at Peace: How to Lose the “Caregiver Guilt”

If you’re feeling negative emotions when caring for an elderly loved one, you are not alone. For many, the demands of caregiving are only deepened by a sense of guilt—and often the worry that we aren’t doing enough, providing enough, or taking care of everything that requires our attention. 

There are many forms of caregiver guilt, depending on the caregiver’s life circumstances. For many, the guilt is a result of our sense of responsibility for things we feel we could’ve changed for the better—even if the events or choices were outside our control.  And when the complicated challenges of caring for an elderly loved one may not go as planned, our guilt makes us shoulder the disappointment and self-blame in how things turned out. 

If you’re feeling caregiver guilt, the following statements may sound familiar: 

  • We feel guilty we don’t spend enough time without loved ones, or that we spend too much time with them at the expense of others.
  • We feel guilty for moving our loved ones into a senior facility or assisted living, or that we’re hurting them and others by keeping them in their own home or moving them into our family’s home. 
  • We feel guilty for own feelings: for resenting the burden of caregiving, for frustration at our parent’s limits, and for being selfish if we do prioritize our own needs.  

Caregiver guilt is almost unavoidable. Our care and desire to make the best choices for our loved ones means that we can hold ourselves to high standards of behavior—and blame ourselves when the stress of caregiving shows on our careers, family life, or mental health. 

But there are steps you can take to mitigate your unwarranted feelings of guilt. Relying on others, taking time for self-care, and focusing on the positive helps you balance your emotions. And a happier, healthier caregiver can provide better care. 

Tip 1: Accept Help

The first step to alleviating guilt is to rid yourself of the expectation that you need to handle everything on your own. Reach out to other family members, or even consider hiring a caretaker to provide care and companionship when you can’t. If those options aren’t available, think about which errands in your personal life can be delegated or hired out. While paying for supermarket delivery or extra cleaning help may seem selfish, the benefits of your ease of mind will go a long way. 

Tip 2: Remove the “Should”

As a caregiver, your to-do list is full of “shoulds” for every minute of the day, but it may be time to renovate that list. Make a chart of “shoulds” and “needs,” and categorize all your tasks honestly. You may find that some of your most difficult or time-consuming tasks are “shoulds”, such as taking Mom for her doctor appointments, that can be delegated or given up to make way for the most important needs without compromising on your caregiving. 

Tip 3: Focus on the Positive 

Guilt has a way of keeping you focused on the things you haven’t done right, but you can keep negative feelings at bay with mindfulness and self-reflection. Keep in mind, your goal is to keep your loved ones safe and provided for—and no one can truly “do it all”. Take the time to reflect on your accomplishments, to give yourself positive reinforcement, and to reassure yourself that the caregiving role is a challenging one for anyone—and your efforts go a long way to keeping your loved one happy and healthy. 

Tip 4: Do For Yourself, Too.

There’s no quicker way to drain your emotional health than denying yourself the habits that keep you happy, healthy, and upbeat. When your schedule is full, it’s tempting to sideline your gym hours, social life, or even just some “me time”. But going for too long without any space for yourself will only leave you angrier, stressed, and unable to stretch yourself further. Put your self-care on your to-do list to keep it a priority, and focus on getting in your personal time—even if that means removing other tasks from the list (takeout is fine for dinner, sometimes!) 

Tip 5: Find Support 

Believe it or not, there are plenty of people in the same boat as you—or ready to offer an understanding ear. Search online for support groups in your area, or ask friends and family if they know a fellow caregiver. Speaking to others lets you share stories, tips, or even just enjoy the company of someone facing the same challenges with positivity and a healthy mindset.

Caregiving can be overwhelming. But when it comes to making the right decisions for your loved one, finding trusted home care shouldn’t be. Learn more about finding compassionate caregivers focused on dignity and quality of life by reaching out to Community Home Health Care at 845.425.6555. We’re always happy to answer any questions and connect you with the right care for your family. 

 

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Finding a Good Home Health Care Agency

 

If your elderly loved one requires personal and medical assistance due to injury, illness, disability, or declining health, you may want to consider a home health care agency. Home health care agencies employ caregivers and specialists such as occupational therapists, companions, home health aides, and registered nurses. They tend to the patient at his or her own home.

With many home health care agencies available, it can be difficult to find the right one for your elderly loved one’s needs. You’ll need to do a significant amount of research before making a decision. Here are some tips to facilitate that decision-making process.

Note that there’s a difference between a home health care agency and a non-medical home agency. A non-medical home agency provides people who do basic housekeeping and personal care tasks. On the other hand, a home health care agency features specialists and caregivers who focus on more health and medical-related tasks such as administering medication, aiding in physical therapy, and monitoring medical equipment.

 

Why a Home Health Care Agency?

For many elderly people, staying in an unfamiliar environment—even for a short time—can be frightening.  Additionally, the idea of losing one’s independence and personal space can be disconcerting. Remaining at home, where he or she is surrounded by their personal items, family photos, and furniture maintains security and comfort. Therefore, it’s best for an elderly loved one to stay home for as long as possible but still receive the care they need. In addition, hiring help from a home health care agency is cheaper than a hospital or nursing home bill.

Another reason for using a home health care agency is that their specialists can supplement the current family caregiver. Many family caregivers are stretched thin, caring of their elderly loved ones while caring for their own families or working full-time jobs. Home health care agency caregivers can take over for a few hours a week (or even all day), allowing the family caregiver some rest and personal time, or maybe even giving up that role entirely.

Expect Some Resistance

Before you begin your search, discuss the situation with your elderly loved one. There’s a strong chance that he or she will object to a caregiver, which is understandable. Many people will feel uneasy, even afraid at the thought of letting a stranger in their homes. They may fear that they will be robbed, or worse. Explain to your loved one why hiring a caregiver is necessary, even if you are a family caregiver. If he or she is still resistant, offer a short trial of say, a week or two.

If they are capable, consider inviting your elderly loved one to participate in the research and selection process. It may alleviate their worries. Perhaps he or she can even accompany you when you speak to potential caregivers once you’ve narrowed down a particular home health agency.

Home Health Care Agency vs. Independent Caregivers

Some families choose to eliminate the middle man of home health care agencies and hire an independent caregiver. It’s a tempting option, primarily because independent caregivers generally cost about 30-40% less than agency caregivers. However if you go this route, this means that you are the employer and are thus responsible for various employment laws and taxes. You will need to do the background and credit checks for potential caregivers. You also have fewer options during emergencies. What happens if the independent caregiver is sick? A home health care agency on the other hand, will be able to provide a substitute caregiver. It’s not surprising then, that many families opt for using a home health care agency to find the right caregiver for their elderly loved one.

Talk to People

The first step in finding a good home health care agency is to talk to friends, co-workers, family members, and doctors to get advice. Ask them what they look for in a home health care agency and which places they recommend. Your elderly loved one’s physician may even suggest what kinds of specialists are required.

Financial Considerations

The second step is to think about your budget. Particularly, consider the duration of the required services—how long will your elderly loved one need specialist help? A few weeks or months? Indefinitely? And how many hours per day? How many specialists will you need to hire? These factors will affect the costs. Additionally, some places take Medical or Medicare, so check if the facilities you’re interested in are covered.

Initial Research

When you have a better idea of your loved one’s needs and your budget, start that list of home health care agencies. Look for the following information when you visit their websites or call them: licensing, accreditation/certification, and insurance. See if they provide information on their employees, including screening and hiring procedures, background checks, training (medical, non-medical, and emergency situations), and whether or not they’re bonded.

Reviews and References

Look online for reviews of your potential home health care agencies. Major review sites such as Yelp and Consumer Reports will have some ratings. The Medicare website has a section  on home health care listings as well. Of course, don’t just rely on online reviews. Ask the potential agencies for references as well.

Find the Right Caregiver for Your Elderly Loved One

When it comes to matching the right caregiver with your loved one, you may have to look to factors in addition to their training and skills. This is a person who will spend lots of time with your family member, so it’s important that they get along. It helps if the caregiver has similarities or something in common with your loved one. Some people feel more comfortable with a caregiver who speaks the same language as them, or is the same gender or ethnicity. Others may like spending time with a caregiver of the same religion. Ask the home health care agency how caregivers are matched, and if they can accommodate special requests.

 

If you are looking for a home health care agency for your elderly loved one or have any questions, please fill out the form at the Community Home Health Care home page and one of our helpful staff will contact you as soon as possible.

 

Differences between Elderly Caregiver Roles

When we think of elderly caregivers, we often picture nurses working in hospitals or assisted living facilities. But the truth is that you don’t need a nursing degree to become an elderly caregiver. In fact, in some cases, all you need is a high school diploma and some training.

Caring for the elderly is a rewarding, but challenging experience. It’s not a career choice one should decide upon a whim. Before you decide to go down the path of elderly caregiving, first ask yourself these questions.

  1. Do you like working with people?
  2. Are you willing to work with potentially difficult, combative, stubborn, and even abusive patients?
  3. Are you physically able to lift and carry a full-grown adult to and from various locations such as vehicles, wheelchairs, or beds?
  4. Can you handle long, physically and mentally exhausting days and possibly nights?
  5. Will you be comfortable helping patients with personal hygiene, bathing, and using the toilet? What if the patient was of the opposite sex?
  6. Can you maintain a professional yet friendly disposition regardless of physical, mental, and emotional fatigue?
  7. Will you be comfortable speaking with the patients’ families regarding difficult situations?
  8. Will you be able to keep a cool head in the event of a medical emergency?
  9. Will you be able to emotionally handle a patient’s death?
  10. Are you willing to do all these things for very little pay?

If this list of questions didn’t scare you off and you’re still interested, then congratulations! You’re on your way to a fulfilling career in elderly caregiving. However, before you start applying to hospitals and nursing homes, you first need to understand that there are actually several types of positions available. The differences lie in how much education or training is required, whether or not you need certification, and the type of medical-related duties involved.

 

Personal Care Assistant (PCA)

Personal care assistants require the least amount of education, training, and medical expertise.

Job Description: As the job title suggests, personal care assistants focus on the personal care of their patients, with very minimal medical-related responsibilities. Their duties include running errands, bathing, providing transportation, preparing meals, general hygiene care, and companionship.  Some personal care assistants work with current family caregivers to help with more difficult tasks such as moving the patient from a wheelchair to a bed.

Minimum Required Level of Education: High school.

Training: Not required unless you receive federal payment through Medicare or Medicaid.

Certification: Only if you receive federal payment through Medicare or Medicaid, in which then you need a minimum of 75 hours of training to receive certification.

Medical-Related Duties: Simple tasks such as taking temperature, reminding patients to take their medicine, or collecting lab specimens such as stool samples.

Salary: About $25,000 a year (as of November 2018).

 

Home Health Aide (HHA)

Home health aides are a step up from personal care assistants in terms of training, certification, and medical-related duties. Whereas training as a personal care assistant isn’t really necessary, becoming a home health aide requires training and certification. In fact, some HHAs are certified nursing assistants or even nurses.

Job Description: Home health aides provide many of the same duties as personal care assistants related to a patient’s personal care. However, they also have the ability to perform more medical-related duties.

Minimum Required Level of Education: High school.

Training: Training for home health aides are usually on-the-job, provided by health professionals. However, similar to personal care assistants, home health aide training is required if you work for a federally funded program. You need a minimum of 75 hours of training, but most states require additional hours.

Certification: Not required unless you work for a federally funded program.

Medical-Related Duties: Monitoring a patient’s vital signs, writing observations in their patient’s journal, changing dressings and bandages, assisting in physical therapy or certain exercises, and possibly even administering medication.

Salary: About $24,558 as of October 2018.

 

Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA)

Certified nursing assistants work under the supervision of registered nurses, and thus act as go-between patients and their supervisors. Although a patient is cared for by a nurse, it’s the CNA’s job to help that nurse juggle their many patients.

Job Description: A certified nursing assistant does everything that a PCA and HHA does, but has more medically-related responsibilities. They’re closer to nurses than personal care assistants.

Minimum Required Level of Education: High school.

Training: Unlike PCAs and HHAs, training for certified nursing assistants is mandatory. In fact, in some cases, some CNAs go on to become RNs.

Certification: After training, budding CNAs must complete assigned hours of supervised training at a clinical facility, followed by a certification exam.

Medical-Related Duties: These include checking patients’ vital signs, maintaining medical equipment and machines, observing patients’ bodies for bleeding or bruising, and restocking medical supplies.

Salary: A certified nursing assistant’s salary as of October 2018 is roughly $32,108.

 

Registered Nurse (RN)

Becoming a registered nurse requires the most schooling, training, and certification. They are also entrusted with the greatest amount of medical-related responsibilities.

Job Description: Unlike the other three roles, registered nurses do not normally tend to a patient’s personal care and general errands. Rather, their primary tasks are medical-related. Therefore, registered nurses often work with say, a home health aide or personal care assistant. The nurse would attend to medical-related duties for a few hours, but the remainder of care comes from the personal care assistant or home health aide.

Minimum Required Level of Education: Associate Degree in Nursing (ADN). Many registered nurses continue on to obtain a Bachelor of Science in Nursing (BSN).

Training: Achieved while obtaining an ADN and/or BSN.

Certification: Required.

Medical-Related Duties: In addition to basic tasks that can be performed by CNAs, PCAs, and HHAs, registered nurses can insert and maintain catheters, admit and discharge patients, take care of wounds, perform life-saving techniques, and administer injections.

Salary: Out of the four elderly caregiver roles featured in this article, registered nurses receive the highest average pay, with $73,550 a year (as of May 2018).

 

As the baby boomers continue to age, elderly caregivers become increasingly important in society. Not everyone is capable of caring for their parents full-time. Many need to hire professional caregivers to attend to their parents’ medical and daily needs.

Becoming an elderly caregiver is no small feat. Although it requires completing a certain level of education and training and the ability to meet the standards mentioned on the list, the most important things about elderly caregivers are that they must have an immense amount of compassion, patience, and respect for their patients.

If you want to start a career in elderly caregiving, or if you need to hire professional care for a loved one, please visit us at Community Home Health Care fill out the query on the home page and someone will get back to you as soon as possible.

How Caregivers Can Communicate with Doctors and Nurses on Behalf of Seniors

Being a caregiver has many benefits and drawbacks. While caregiving can be a wonderfully rewarding and inspirational career, it’s also a very challenging job, and many caregivers find themselves frustrated with the difficulties of their positions. Of all of these challenges, though, few are more agonizing than the task of trying to figure out how best to communicate with doctors and nurses on behalf of a senior.

For older adults, communicating effectively with care staff is often a difficult task. Thanks to cognitive decline or a simple unwillingness to speak up, seniors often don’t effectively express their needs to doctors and nurses, and the responsibility to ensure the senior’s medical wellbeing falls to caregivers.

While this can be a stressful experience for both parties, it doesn’t have to feel like a burden. Here are several tips for caregivers who want to learn how to communicate more efficiently with a senior’s care staff:

Communicating On Behalf of a Senior 101: 7 Tips to a More Open Dialogue

1. Develop a relationship with the senior’s doctors

Unless you have an ongoing relationship with a senior’s care professionals, communicating with them effectively can be a challenging task. Because of this, it’s essential to dedicate some time and energy to developing relationships with a senior’s doctors and nurses. The best way to do this is to attend as many appointments as possible with the senior you care for.

In addition to allowing you to get a feel for each doctor or nurse’s care style, this will also enable you to spot certain dynamics or difficulties and prepare yourself for how best to deal with the professional and his or her unique style of care and communication.

This is especially critical for caregivers working with seniors who see multiple doctors on a regular basis. Because each of these doctors’ care styles and treatment approaches may differ, it’s smart for caregivers to understand, as fully as possible, what makes each doctor tick and how best to communicate with each team to ensure the long-term care and well-being of the senior.

2. Gain inclusion in the HIPPA contract

HIPAA (The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) dictates that doctors, nurses, and other care professionals are not allowed to discuss a client’s personal medical information with anyone else unless the person is incapacitated and over the age of 18. While HIPAA rules are in place to protect patients, they can make it difficult for caregivers to access relevant health information about the elderly people they care for.

Because of this, it’s essential that caregivers gain inclusion in the HIPAA contract before it becomes time to speak with medical professionals on behalf of a senior. This enables caregivers to help seniors make medical decisions and to protect the senior’s overall health and wellbeing better. It also ensures that the caregiver will have all of the information needed should a major medical decision present itself.

3. Ask plenty of questions

Helping seniors understand and respond to medical conditions and care options can be difficult, and things like diagnoses and medical-speak are often far from easy to interpret. Because of this, it’s essential for caregivers to ask plenty of questions to fully understand a senior’s condition and what, if anything, can be done in some cases. This empowers the caregiver with relevant information and is an efficient way for caregivers to safeguard better the health and well-being of the seniors they care for.

While many caregivers shy away from asking questions because they believe they’ll be perceived as stupid or incapable, it’s important to ask for clarification any time you don’t understand something. Knowledge is power, and clarifying confusing explanations and asking for more information allows seniors and their caregivers to work together as a unified team.

4. Avoid assuming the worst

Among caregivers, specifically family caregivers, there’s often an assumption that a senior’s medical staff doesn’t want to help the caregiver provide care. Unfortunately, this makes it impossible to communicate efficiently and can have a drastic negative impact on the senior’s overall care and wellbeing. Instead of being combative with doctors or nurses, caregivers will do well to view them as skilled allies who actually want to help resolve problems and provide the best possible care for a loved-one.

When caregivers take the time to develop this type of relationship with doctors and nurses, caregivers and medical staff can work together to provide outstanding care for seniors without excess frustration and missed opportunities for communication.

5. Write down your questions

Many caregivers think of questions when they’re not in a doctor’s office. By the time they make it to the next appointment, though, they’ve forgotten their questions. This makes it easy to bypass critical inquiries and neglect essential queries that can help safeguard a senior’s health and well-being. Because of this, it’s essential for caregivers to write down their questions and bring them to the doctor’s office at every appointment. This ensures critical questions are being asked and prevents caregivers and seniors from suffering the fallout of forgotten information. 

6. Make additional appointments for additional concerns

Doctors and nurses are busy people, and they may not have time during a meeting to discuss, at length, all of your questions and concerns. While many caregivers take this as a sign that the doctor doesn’t care, this is seldom the case. To avoid frustration and ensure all questions are answered as thoroughly as possible, don’t hesitate to make an additional appointment. This can help facilitate more functional communication and avoid frustrations born from misunderstandings.

7. Encourage the senior to speak on his or her behalf

While caregivers must learn to communicate effectively on a senior’s behalf, it’s also important to encourage a senior to speak up wherever possible. Often, the message is a bit louder when it comes from the senior’s mouth, and doctors may well understand things better from seniors than they do from caregivers.

In some situations, it’s essential for caregivers to learn how to communicate with their seniors or on behalf of them. While this can be a confusing dynamic to learn, understanding different communication necessities and timeframes is critical for good ongoing communication.

Excellent Communication Starts Here

While learning to communicate on behalf of seniors can be difficult, it’s a critical skill for family caregivers and hired caregivers alike. By developing relationships with doctors and nurses, bringing lists of questions to every appointment, scheduling additional appointments for questions and concerns that will take more time, encouraging seniors to speak for themselves when and where appropriate, becoming included in a HIPAA contract, and holding off on assuming the worst, seniors and their caregivers can develop effective communication strategies that help ensure a good relationship with doctors and nurses and the best possible care. 

How Caregivers Can Learn to Provide Better Care for Older Patients

For caregivers, learning to provide care for patients is an ongoing process. Even after dozens of hours of training, caregiving is a fluid process, within which things are always changing and adapting. Different clients require different care, mental and emotional upset can rise and fall quickly, and confounding factors like dementia and cognitive decline can make it difficult to connect effectively with patients.

As such, caregivers are always learning to provide better care for their older patients. It’s an ongoing process and, when caregivers dedicate themselves to it fully, it can overhaul the way they view their jobs and connect to their clients.

10 Ways Caregivers Can Learn to Provide Better Care

Providing better care is a process, and it requires learning new steps. Here are a few tips for caregivers who want to learn to provide better care:

1. Keep Yourself Healthy

The healthier and fitter you are, the better able you are to offer quality care. As such, it’s essential for caregivers to care for themselves. This means eating a healthy, well-balanced diet, staying active, and getting enough rest. When all these things are done, caregivers have the energy, stamina, and attention needed to care for aging patients.

2. Ask for Help

Sometimes, caregivers run into confounding care situations that can be very confusing. For example, what if an existing patient begins to develop Alzheimer’s? That changes the level of care the patient needs, and can be confusing for caregivers.

In these situations, asking for help is one of the best things you can do. Many caregivers hold the position all their life, and can act as a wealth of knowledge for caregivers struggling to adapt to changing clients, or striving to ensure they’re offering the best possible care to the people they spend time with.

While asking for help can feel intimidating, it’s one of the best ways for caregivers to learn more about their industry, and learn to provide the high-quality care their clients deserve.

3. Study Up

Reading can be a great way for caregivers to take in new information. If you’re struggling with a particularly difficult situation or making your way into a new facet of caregiving, read a book about it. Books like The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People with Alzheimer’s Disease, Related Dementias, and Memory Loss can be comforting and illuminating for people caring for Alzheimer’s patients. In fact, there are well-written books available for people in virtually every facet of caregiving, if you’re looking for something that applies to your situation, do a quick Google search or ask your fellow caregivers what they’d recommend.

4. Take a Course

To continue your trajectory of study, look for free or low-cost courses in your local area. These courses can teach everything from caregiving techniques to self-care tactics that will quickly become instrumental in your caregiving approach. These courses are available through senior centers, caregiving support groups, and assisted living facilities.

5. Shadow Another Caregiver

One thing few caregivers think of doing is shadowing another caregiver. Ideal for any caregiver who wants to learn new skills, or is struggling to adapt to changing or more complex clients, shadowing a more experienced caregiver is an excellent way to gain hands-on experience and learn some new skills that can help inform and enhance your own caregiving tactics.

6. Reach out to Your Employer

If you’re a caregiver who works for a company, reach out to your employer for additional learning materials or educational courses. Most caregiving centers are happy to help educate their caregivers and will work hard to further learning in their workforce.

From books to courses and beyond, it’s highly likely that your employer will have some resources to pass your way. Remember: being specific about what you want to learn and what you’re struggling with is the best way to ensure you get the education you need.

7. Branch Out

While many caregivers believe that the education they should pursue is limited to the field of caregiving, branching out into other industries can be incredibly helpful.

For example, caregivers who are struggling to manage anxiety in their careers may benefit from learning about meditation or yoga, while people who are dealing with patients with Alzheimer’s may benefit from learning a bit more about the human brain, through a course in psychology or neuroscience.

Caregivers are busy people, and many think learning about these topics is a waste of time. The truth is, though, that a broad education is incredibly valuable for caregivers, and provides the extensive information and resources required to succeed in the field.

8. Join a Support Group

Support groups can be instrumental for caregivers. In addition to providing the mental, emotional, and social support caregivers need to remain happy and relaxed in their careers, support groups are also a great place to pick up resources and education.

By putting you in contact with other caregivers from different backgrounds and educations, a good support group can help you learn the tricks and tactics needed to provide better care, and to release stress and anxiety in the process.

9. Give Yourself Time to Rest

When you’re busy learning and working a demanding career, you need to give yourself time to rest and reflect. How you do this is up to you, but resources like respite care can be invaluable.

Even if you can’t take a long vacation, ensure you’re making small pockets of time throughout the week to reflect on your recent learning, unplug, and get the rest you need for the new information to sink in and take hold.

10. Participate in Online Forums

If you’re looking to pick up some new information about caregiving, head to an online forum. Popular places for caregivers from around the world to gather, discuss topics related to the field, and problem-solve together, online forums can be great resources for anecdotal experience and hands-on expertise.

A quick online search for “caregiving online forums” will reveal options from reputable sites across the U.S. To get started, try out AARP’s online caregiving community.

Better Caregiving Starts Here

There is no plateau point with caregiving. Instead, caregivers are always learning, adjusting their skills, and adapting to new information. While this may feel exhausting, it’s important to remember that the best caregivers are the ones who remain flexible and fluid, and that ongoing education is essential to providing great service. By exploring these ten avenues, caregivers can absorb pivotal new information and become more effective in their positions.