If you’re feeling negative emotions when caring for an elderly loved one, you are not alone. For many, the demands of caregiving are only deepened by a sense of guilt—and often the worry that we aren’t doing enough, providing enough, or taking care of everything that requires our attention.
There are many forms of caregiver guilt, depending on the caregiver’s life circumstances. For many, the guilt is a result of our sense of responsibility for things we feel we could’ve changed for the better—even if the events or choices were outside our control. And when the complicated challenges of caring for an elderly loved one may not go as planned, our guilt makes us shoulder the disappointment and self-blame in how things turned out.
If you’re feeling caregiver guilt, the following statements may sound familiar:
- We feel guilty we don’t spend enough time without loved ones, or that we spend too much time with them at the expense of others.
- We feel guilty for moving our loved ones into a senior facility or assisted living, or that we’re hurting them and others by keeping them in their own home or moving them into our family’s home.
- We feel guilty for own feelings: for resenting the burden of caregiving, for frustration at our parent’s limits, and for being selfish if we do prioritize our own needs.
Caregiver guilt is almost unavoidable. Our care and desire to make the best choices for our loved ones means that we can hold ourselves to high standards of behavior—and blame ourselves when the stress of caregiving shows on our careers, family life, or mental health.
But there are steps you can take to mitigate your unwarranted feelings of guilt. Relying on others, taking time for self-care, and focusing on the positive helps you balance your emotions. And a happier, healthier caregiver can provide better care.
Tip 1: Accept Help
The first step to alleviating guilt is to rid yourself of the expectation that you need to handle everything on your own. Reach out to other family members, or even consider hiring a caretaker to provide care and companionship when you can’t. If those options aren’t available, think about which errands in your personal life can be delegated or hired out. While paying for supermarket delivery or extra cleaning help may seem selfish, the benefits of your ease of mind will go a long way.
Tip 2: Remove the “Should”
As a caregiver, your to-do list is full of “shoulds” for every minute of the day, but it may be time to renovate that list. Make a chart of “shoulds” and “needs,” and categorize all your tasks honestly. You may find that some of your most difficult or time-consuming tasks are “shoulds”, such as taking Mom for her doctor appointments, that can be delegated or given up to make way for the most important needs without compromising on your caregiving.
Tip 3: Focus on the Positive
Guilt has a way of keeping you focused on the things you haven’t done right, but you can keep negative feelings at bay with mindfulness and self-reflection. Keep in mind, your goal is to keep your loved ones safe and provided for—and no one can truly “do it all”. Take the time to reflect on your accomplishments, to give yourself positive reinforcement, and to reassure yourself that the caregiving role is a challenging one for anyone—and your efforts go a long way to keeping your loved one happy and healthy.
Tip 4: Do For Yourself, Too.
There’s no quicker way to drain your emotional health than denying yourself the habits that keep you happy, healthy, and upbeat. When your schedule is full, it’s tempting to sideline your gym hours, social life, or even just some “me time”. But going for too long without any space for yourself will only leave you angrier, stressed, and unable to stretch yourself further. Put your self-care on your to-do list to keep it a priority, and focus on getting in your personal time—even if that means removing other tasks from the list (takeout is fine for dinner, sometimes!)
Tip 5: Find Support
Believe it or not, there are plenty of people in the same boat as you—or ready to offer an understanding ear. Search online for support groups in your area, or ask friends and family if they know a fellow caregiver. Speaking to others lets you share stories, tips, or even just enjoy the company of someone facing the same challenges with positivity and a healthy mindset.
Caregiving can be overwhelming. But when it comes to making the right decisions for your loved one, finding trusted home care shouldn’t be. Learn more about finding compassionate caregivers focused on dignity and quality of life by reaching out to Community Home Health Care at 845.425.6555. We’re always happy to answer any questions and connect you with the right care for your family.






While home care can certainly be helpful for terminally ill people, not all home care recipients are very ill. In fact, there are two very distinct types of home care services: medical and non-medical care. Medical care is often utilized by people who are recovering from an illness or injury or for people who need help coping with chronic conditions.
For families that have never utilized home care, the thought can be intimidating. Many people believe that hiring an in-home care aide will be far too expensive, but fortunately they’re wrong! According to a 2010 survey conducted by the
Any reputable in-home care service provider will do its absolute best to match seniors to caregivers who display similar interests and personalities. Additionally, most caregivers are required to pass measures like background and competency tests before interacting with clients. This helps ensure that the senior is matched with a quality caregiver that can meet the senior’s needs while also being trustworthy and reliable.
Hiring an in-home care aide doesn’t mean sacrificing your independence! In fact, in many cases, the introduction of an in-home care aide can actually help an individual maintain independence. By handling things that may be difficult, like cooking and cleaning, an in-home care aide can help make daily life easier and support the senior’s efforts to live independently for as long as possible.
Think again! While many seniors worry that hiring an in-home caregiver means having a watchful and disproving attendant around at all times, this couldn’t be further from the truth. In many cases, seniors form strong bonds with their in-home caregivers, which creates an environment of fun and closeness every time the caregiver visits.
If you only need help conducting your shopping, but you can manage your housework and personal care just fine, don’t write off home care just yet. Home care is a widely varied market and there are professionals available to help you, regardless of what your needs may be. Whether you need an hour or 40 hours of help each week, you can find a caregiver that will provide this for you.
As you age and your needs become more pronounced, the burden on friends and family can quickly become overwhelming. Hiring an in-home caregiver can allow your family and friends to participate in your care without stretching themselves too thin. The introduction of an in-home care aide ensures quality care, relief for family and friends, and a balanced care plan for everyone involved.
Just like home care isn’t only for people with limiting illnesses or disabilities, it’s not only for seniors. Home care is often utilized by parents with newborns or people recovering from surgical procedures. Home health care can be individualized to fit your unique needs, so you’ll always have access to a provider that can give you exactly what you need for your unique situation.
While we certainly don’t recommend undergoing surgery at home, home care aides are trained professionals. If you require in-home medical care, you’ll be matched with a medical caregiver who can help administer a plan of care that is safe and medically sound.
Again, home care is highly individualized. This means that clients who need high levels of home care can find providers to offer it while those who need lower levels of home care will be matched accordingly. Home care agencies often put together 24/7 care teams and can work with you to ensure that you get exactly the services you need.
For seniors or other individuals with long-term care needs, home care can be a fantastic option. By matching the individual in need with a qualified individual or team of in-home caregivers, it’s easy for in-home care to accommodate long-term care needs.
Just like all things, it’s possible that finding an ideal in-home caregiver may take some experimentation, but you as the client always have the final say. If you find that a caregiver and you don’t get along well, that you don’t trust or feel comfortable with the caregiver, or that the caregiver isn’t meeting your needs, you always have the option to replace the caregiver with one who works better. This ensures that you always find a great in-home care match and that you’re satisfied with your in-home services.
While an in-home caregiver can certainly provide a much-needed break for friends and family, it’s untrue that the presence of in-home care will replace the importance of friends and family. An in-home caregiver can supplement the care your friends and family provide, while at the same time deferring to the care preferences that you and your family agree upon.
In-home caregivers are ideal for providing an extra set of hands and some medical expertise. Aside from that, however, they don’t dominate the in-home care situation. Depending upon the need of the client, an in-home caregiver will work with the client and his or her family to develop a care plan that meets the client’s needs while also working closely with the family and the client to ensure that the family feels involved to their desired level. This helps ensure an active role in the care of a loved one and prevents an in-home caregiver from providing more services than are needed or wanted.
While it’s important to hire a reputable in-home caregiver from a reputable home care agency, most caregivers enter the business specifically because they care about clients and want to do everything in their power to serve them.